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Wednesday, July 9, 2014

45 g protein 22 g fiber Mocha Shake. Vegan, Gluten free.

It still boggles my mind how people can drink Starbucks Coffee with a sign right there that says "our coffee contains carcinogens." Why spend five dollars on a Frappuccino that contains carcinogens, extra sugar,  and loads of fat? Especially when you can make something even more delicious that has over 45 grams of plant based protein, 22 grams of fiber and over 30% of your daily iron and is completely organic and nourishing for your body (and baby if you are nursing) ?   Well, here you go..

 2 frozen bananas.
(This what a house that eats tons of bananas looks like.  Separated to get riper faster.  Once these bananas lose all signs of green and get some black spots they will be sliced and frozen.  We do this every week.  I buy organic bananas at Costco because you get 3 lb for the price of 2 at Whole Foods or Trader Joe's . For the amount we eat,  it adds up.
 8 Oz soy milk.  You can use a different non dairy milk but I love soy.
 1 tablespoon organic raw cacao
 2 scoops protein powder
 2 teaspoons organic decaf instant coffee mixed with 1/3 c hot water

Handful almonds.  About half a cup.


Blend in blendtec (or whatever blender you have)
Tah dah!

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Just wanted to welcome you to my blog if you're new.. and say hi,  I did not forget about you, if you are not!   I see so many page views and I feel guilty I don't post more..  To be honest if this blogs app was easier to use I'd post more often! ��anyway,  I post on Instagram a lot at the handle @according2shirley so check out some posts there and follow me if u wanna keep updated! Here's some of my recent uploads and I'll blog about them soon...  Let me know if you have any questions or blog post ideas ��














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Sunday, May 11, 2014

yup, my 4 month old uses the potty. and now at 5 months, he's "potty trained"

disclaimer: in an effort to post this asap as i knew so many people were waiting, please excuse all grammatical mistakes and the many typos im sure this is filled with. enjoy. xx







Motherhood is no joke. That moment when you become a mother, you are all of a sudden responsible for creating,  curating, and influencing an ENTIRE life..  From physical to emotional,  psychological, spiritual,  material etc needs and aspects of life...  All the while figuring all that shit out for yourself- and of course lets not forget trying to fix/prevent or repeat experiences from your own upbringing onto your own children. 

Now I know some of you are on here from a post I wrote about how I potty trained my 5 month old.  For those that don't know,  my son is 5 months/22.5 weeks today and I could honestly tell you he is pretty much potty trained. By that I mean (to clarify) that he does not (intentionally) use his diaper to poop and instead prefers to use the potty.  He will signal to me that he needs to poop and waits for me to put him in position and signal to him to poop.  He also pees during this time but he does still pee in his diapers.  They are not cloth so they do absorb the pee but he does complain with a full diaper when he feels it is wet.  More on that later,  but that is what I mean when I say he is potty trained.  
Now as for my introduction on motherhood being a tough dynamic job,  this is to help explain where I am coming from..  There are endless styles, methods, and schools of thought on how to parent. With that in mind, this is NOT a "How To" .. this is exactly what this blog is about... According to me... and nobody else. I cannot tell you how to do this with your child because your child is not my child, your child is YOUR child, and YOU are your child's mother. Every mother has this tough job of doing it all and does what they figure out consciously or unconsciously (both I think) works and is the best, for them and their kids. But to understand where I am coming from is to understand the relationship I built (and build) with my child that fostered this sort of development. 


First... Why the hell did I do this? I saw lots of comments as to how many diapers I will be saving and many comments on how EC is not worth all the effort blah blah blah. This goes into my parenting style...


I POTTY TRAINED MY CHILD BECAUSE IT WAS MY INSTINCT NOT TO LET MY CHILD POOP ALL OVER HIMSELF. 
(which he does not enjoy for one, and causes all sorts of rashes etc number two, which leads to number three, the need to use all sorts of unnatural creams etc to clear it up. side note: we tried all the natural and the only one that consistently worked for us was triple paste....which i hated using on him due to the ingredients that are so NOT natural.) 

I do love to learn about different parenting styles etc but I believe in trusting your gut and really opening your mind to what just makes logical sense. Most of the time this leads me to doing things a lot like the attachment style parenting and sometimes it doesn't. Mayim Bialik wrote in her book (pg 108 Beyond the Sling) how it didnt make sense that babies would be born with a natural instinct to not want to defecate on themselves (as all animals are born not wanting to eliminate on themselves or near where they eat/sleep) yet we basically are teaching them to go in their pants and ignore that natural instinct only to tell them years later that no, we were wrong, you SHOULD NOT go on yourself and instead need to use a potty. this is what most people talk about "potty training"  this makes sense to me. this is the logic I used when helping my child learn where to eliminate.

I do not think this is exactly elimination communication. I did not cloth diaper Ryber although I do think I will now to help with understanding when he needs to pee and learning how to communicate that to each other. I did not let my child go diaper free. I did not teach my child sign language. 

So what the heck did i do?

I sleep with Ryber. Ryber has never had to cry it out. I think the last time he cried was maybe at two months with me due to gas or such and at three months when I was at work and he was hungry. I have since left my job and am with Ryber full time so he never needs to cry to get fed. He signals to me he's hungry by moving his head around my chest and trying to latch. If he's in the stroller he will start to whine, although this happens rarely as I usually offer him the boobie when he wakes up since I know he is almost always hungry then.

I breastfeed Ryber.  Ryber does not take a bottle, even of breast milk. When I worked full time he definitely took a bottle of breastmilk, but he took 90 percent of milk from my boob.

Ryber is used to getting his needs met because I am there to meet his needs. This is my style of parenting. I do not personally believe in putting an infant in another room. In my honest opinion trying to sleep train an infant and putting them in another room is basically saying you are not interested in meeting their needs during the night. this is for convenience which I understand but that is not my style of parenting. I don't do things only because they are convenient for me, (even though I definitely definitely try to find the happy medium as I believe I did with this) I try to do what I think is best for Ryber and makes sense. This sometimes means I need to be very patient (which I'm starting to get good at and sucked at prior to being a mom) and selfless. I need to put Ryber's needs first which is not always convenient for me but I believe it is essential to my child's well being, and that is more important to me. A lot of this is about perspective. My doctor (Dr. Jay Gordon) asked me if Ryber sleeps through the night. I said yes, he usually goes to sleep around 8 and will wake up around 8. Then he asked if he wakes up to eat, and I said yes he wakes up probably twice. He then made me realize that Ryber then would not be considered a baby that sleeps through the night to most mothers. But because I sleep with Ryber and his waking up to feed consists of him turning his head and me half asleep making sure it goes in there as we both fall back asleep barely having to wake up let alone even move- I did not really feel I was inconvenienced and felt he "slept through the  night", that is the power of perspective. 




Ryber has used eco friendly natural diapers since birth. I've used Bambo, Earth's Best, Naty Nature Care and Honest. I like Honest the best and have used that exclusively since he was in size two. He's now in size four, but only because I think the way Honest measures their diaper scale is off by 5 lbs for my child. Anyway, I digress. 

A month ago at barely 4 months old I started to put Ryber on the changing table when I noticed he needed to poo. It was usually either right after or up to 15 - 20 minutes after feeding or a nap. He always does the same things. He wanders off, he puts his hand in his mouth, and as of recently he makes grunting noises. I would take him straight to the changing table, open up his diaper and let him poo and pee in the open diaper. I would start to make grunting sounds and the noise of poop like farting sort of noises and say "kaki... lets go kaki". I just naturally did not want to sit there and watch him poop all over himself. I mean, I knew he had to poop, why watch him get it all over himself and then have to clean it up and try prevent a rash? makes no sense. 

I pretty much picked up his cues from there and with poops I did that frequently. Not always as i still worked full time, but all the rest of the time. Two weeks ago, I ordered a Summer baby toilet off of Amazon. I started to sit him up on there (assisted, he cannot sit on his own fully yet). It was my last week of work. During my lunch I would feed him and then put him on the toilet when I saw he needed to go. He would go. It was awesome. 

Last week I bought Ryber the baby toilet from Ikea. I highly recommend for infants as it is much narrower and fits much much better. He will grow into the other one. I started to put him on that. He loved it. I would start to make grunting sounds and the noise of poop like farting sort of noises and say "kaki... lets go kaki" and he would go. In the past week Ryber has starting alerting me with those noises and with a new frustrated sounding grunt that he needs to go. So I take off his pants and diaper and he starts to smile big all of a sudden and I know yep.... this is what he wants... I put him on the toilet, and voila! he poops. sometimes a few minutes later, sometimes right away,... just like how we poop. 

Today i was at Disneyland. He needed to go. I did not bring his Ikea toilet. He made the frustrating grunts. I was hoping hed possibly just go in his diaper. Nope... did not want to go in his diaper. So I figured... OK... the other day i put him on the toilet at my moms becuase I didn't bring his, and just held him up on the edge, but even with toilet covers I'm not doing that here.... so I remembered this story I read how women in India put their babies backs to their tummys and spread their legs under their knees and they go. The story stuck with me because Ryber used to go with me reading to him in that position. So i stood over the toilet in Disneyland and it really did become the happiest place on earth becuase my 5 month old went poop. and pee. and about thirty minutes later he let us know that he was not done and that i pulled him off that toilet too early, and he started to signal with the mouth fart noises and frustrated grunts and my husband this time took him to another bathroom and yup... again after telling go kaki!! he went kaki. ( We always say YAY! GOOD KAKI!!! but i know I read EC does not ecourage that... but like I said, I do what I think is best and we like to do that.) He did the same thing on the way home and somehow held it in. He could have gone in his diaper if he wanted to. I put him on his toilet the second I walked in teh door and he went.

Ryber has done 90 percent of his poops in his toilet in the past two weeks. We have not been home for many of them. In the past few days, he has not had a single poopy diaper. 

So there ya go. Now I am going to probably take it from here and start cloth diapering him when I am at home to learn his pee singals since his Honest diapers do absorb his pee so they do not bother him until 2 or 3 pees when his diaper is wet. Since he's already not liking to go on himself, I don't want him to get used to peeing and it just disappearing so I will stop with the disposables when I am at home and will use them when I am out (convenience). 

That is our story and our experience. Does this mean my son will never poop in a diaper again? I doubt it. Does this mean my son is never having to get used to poop all over himself and wanting to run into a corner alone and poop in his diaper? yes. this is what we want for our son. it's not for everyone, but that is the beauty of motherhood. its the world's toughest job, that can't be done the same way twice.

happy mothers day

xx






Wednesday, February 12, 2014

new mommy know it alls: Stuff no one told me/12 trade secrets

these are the things no one really told me or that I didn't see any one mention on any blog or pin I saw.. these are trade secrets of the new mother. these are things that I learned first hand and that I figured out. Again, this blog is called according 2 me... so im happy to share my experience and my point of view with you... here we go...





1. you do NOT have to swaddle...
My lovely husband and I read up on all the five s's, watched the happiest baby on the block DVD, practiced swaddling in our infant care classes, bought tons of swaddles, bought pre made velcro swaddles... you get the picture. we were ready to swaddle that baby to sweet zzz's... except... when it came to actually swaddle him.. i really felt no need. he just loved being in my arms and when i put him in the cacconababy, he felt so snuggled that just folding the blanket in a half assed swaddle and tucking it into the cacconababy was perfect. Red Castle's Cacoonababy is still my number one newborn must have (tied with the snuza hero). Just do what you feel is natural for you and your baby.. follow your gut. which brings me to my next point...

2. Attachment Parenting (AP) is instinctual parenting... not a trend of parenting.
The other night a woman who knows i'm a vegan who does things mostly the natural way asked me if i was following the AP style.. as if it was a "trend" that fit through her idea of my "hippy" ways. I never meant to follow nor did i mean to not follow AP. Do i wear my baby? yes. Do i breastfeed my baby? yes. Do i sleep with my baby? of course. I don't do these things out of following a trend.. I do them because they are my natural instincts as a mother. AP style parenting is really just instincual parenting and when you realize that you are able to see how much everything youve heard or seen is really just "social parenting" (my term for parenting that you learned socially from society)  and that you need to unlearn that to parent the way nature intends and the way you already know how to parent. you don't need a fancy stroller, baby monitors, a big ol expensive crib, those are tools of the "social parent".. forget society's way of telling you how to parent (and how to spend $ learning to be one...) and just parent.. you already know how.

A baby comes out ALMOST completely helpless. they cant even soothe themselves to sleep... they have no idea how digestion works (and every burp or fart is an ordeal)... HELL... even their own arms scare them. how could you leave this tiny little human in another room in a big ol crib? when they are right there next to you, you can pick up on the few things they know how to do, like aim for the boob for example. my son starts moving his head left and right opening his mouth in an effort to find his food source, aka my boob. babyies don't cry to communicate.. they cry when they are already frustrated because their needs are not being met. had i left my baby in another room i would not have noticed his silent motions (his way of communicating) for food and would have only picked up on his hunger when he started crying all stressed out... when he had already given up on his ways of communicating.
Wearing my baby is the same thing. they want to be close to you. they want to feel secure and they want you be there front and center to care for them. and while i love my big beautiful fancy stroller, i much prefer my ergo, which by the way puts my baby to sleep instantaneously. (you still need a stroller fyi)
these are all just instincts for me... keep my baby close so i can care for him... feed him the way G-d designed nature to do so and let my baby be attached because well, he's a baby!

3. Onsies
Onsies are completely useless for the first few weeks of life and completely essential for the weeks after. In those initial weeks you'll have a tummy stump to protect and a peepee to protect (assuming circumcision) and onsies will be a no go. I couldnt use any onsies until around week four... his stump was still healing into week 2/3 and since we are jewish his circumcision didnt happen until week 2. so... what you WILL need are lots and lots of....

4. Long sleeve shirts.
Kimono style long sleeve shirts with built in mittens are an absolute essential for a newborn. Get a ton. I ordered two packs of the gerber long sleeve ones and one pack of the short sleeve to wear under long sleeve footsies. get them on...

5.Amazon.
Amazon is your best friend. they have everything cheaper on Amazon... MOST of the time.. but not always. download the amazon app and you can literally scan an item at the store and see how much it is and compare it with wherever you are. the other day i went to target and had two carts... one in front of me and the other on my phone in my amazon app. i ended up only buying three of the ten or so things on my list at target and the rest i scanned and added to my cart on amazon. with prime i get it in two days and dont pay shipping,.. most of the time i can wait two days for anything. and many times it comes in one day or if i do end up buying it in the store cuz i "needed it right away" i dont even end up using it for a few days anyway. go figure.

6. Toys r Us
TRU is completely useless. everything is more expensive and they carry a shit selection. register on Amazon, Buy Buy Baby (where you can use all those Bed Bath Coupons) and shop online. i love alexandalexa for designer clothes and overseas brands i love and albee baby has great deals on top brands that are usually cheaper than amazon. buy buy baby price matches however so if you love the brick and mortar get it today kind of shopping then find the best price online and show them to get it for the same price :)

7.Get a convertible car seat
Skip the infant car seat. you do NOT need it! you don't want your baby sitting in the same seat in the same position all day long. its not healthy. take them out and put them in a carrier. even if they wake up momentarily, they will be right back asleep the second you put them in the carrier. don't be afraid of waking the baby...

8. shhhhhh the baby is sleepping
babies in the womb feel secure and cuddled and hear you allllll day and night long. they have your heart beating 24/7 your digestion going, your music blaring, your voice chit chatting... they love the noise, it's soothing. again, avoid social parenting in which you unteach your child to love the noise and teach them to sleep in silence. (and then later try to unteach this)  this isnt good for you nor baby. our son has slept through countless action movies right there on my tummy. no need to put him in a crib in another room and say shhhhh put it down the baby is sleeping!!

9. it is OK to use disposables.
sometimes cloth diapering is not feasible for financial, practical or lifestyle reasons. it is OK to use disposables. you can argue that a cloth diapering service has the same footprint of using eco friendly biodegradable diapers with all the gas electricity and water they use. and as far as using cloth to help potty train... you can still practice EC with disposables... you'll just keep your sanity in tact just that much longer.

10.it is OK to use a pacifier.
listen... i live in los angeles. sometimes there is a fuck load of traffic and sometimes you are on the fwy going 75 when your baby gets startled and starts screaming. enter the pacifier... THANK YOU G-D!!!! just don't rely on using it when you are around... if he needs to suck on something to sooth then let him feed, the combo of the milk and sucking will sooth him asap and then theres less chance of nipple confusion or just trying to solve the symptoms and not the actual problem

11. Not all diapers are created equal.
Make sure your diaper has the back scrunch elastic part or else they are useless. a mom i follow on instagram kept expressing how much she love these brand of diapers and so without knowing much i ordered them before the baby came. they are useless. without the back scrunch everything goes up the back... yeah... exactly. try multiple brands in the beginning. you dont know which fit your baby will like best. avoid at all costs diapers with toxins and keep dry technocology. again, that is another way you are social parenting in which you are unteaching your child what is natural and then later will try to teach them again the natural way. let me clarify... with diapers, this means unteaching them that peeing and pooing on themselves is uncomfortable, unhygenic and to be avoided ( as you teach them when you use a diaper that soaks up all the pee and they barely notice they went) and so in essence you are teaching them that going to the bathroom on yourself is okay only to later try to go through hell and high water (or wtvr the expression is) to potty train them. how confusing for them. all mammals are born with an innate sense to avoid and hate defecating on themselves... use that to your advantage and pick up on your babys cues of when they are going. if you are baby wearing and co sleeping then this will be easy. (hell- its how i potty trained my dog....) this is EC (elimination communication).

12. your gut.
at the end of the day, it doenst matter what i or even your mother or doctor say... follow your gut and youll be the best parent you can be.

xo

shir



Monday, January 27, 2014

instagram

On instagram :) posting tips etc on there.. much easier than blogging all the time but ill still post on here . Just put up my sakura bloom n maya wrap  review.

Xx

Sunday, January 12, 2014

cows, movies, and jeans that don't fit.


Why are my blogs becoming so personal? Idk why I'm in such an introspective blog mood but i hope to return to the regularly scheduled programming soon enough.

Now that I'm breastfeeding my choice to not consume dairy has become even more significant. I know what being pregnant and feeding my baby feels like.. I can't even imagine the misery of being forcefully artificially impregnated over and over again my whole life with my babies being taken away from me at birth to be murdered and my breastmilk stolen for another species consumption. I really don't see how there's room for G-d in such corruption nor how he'd bless such practices. Maybe somehow the way it was done back in the day was more natural.. but today it's anything but.

I've seen way too many movies these past few weeks. Something about lack of sleep and breastfeeding constantly makes watching movies the ideal set up. I don't have TV nor watch TV (TV is for lazy people and hypocrites. I myself being the latter as I still somehow manage to watch the shitty housewives show online. Lazy no but moron for watching... check!).

So far my favorites of probably 100 ive seen (since my injury not my son's birth) are...

The Family
Crazy Stupid Love
Friends with Kids
That's My Boy
The Great Gatsby
O Brother Where Art Thou
And a movie I watch over n over... The Proposal (yes I am a girl)

Excited to watch the Wolf of Wallstreet .. just got the screener and need to watch,  Jonah Hill and Leo? Um yes please.

Now here we go... This week is week six and I'm looking forward to hearing from the doc that I'm ready to work out. I've been going on long walks and carrying my now over ten pound baby constantly so I've been active but I'm looking forward to actually working it. I work out for the joy of working out.. I know I'm lucky in that regard... most ppl hate it but do it to look good or for health and view it as a necessary evil but I truly love it.. and I think most consistently fit ppl do. Meaning I believe that people who have been consistently in shape over most of their life (not skinny... In shape) are doing something they love to get that way and hence stick w it and it becomes part of their lifestyle. That's the trick.

I don't do the gym although I used to love spin classes to the point i bought cycling shoes. I used to practice yoga and pilates for years but I stopped pilates about three years ago when I joined the world of Tracy Anderson. I grew up swimming competitively and dancing. Before I got pregnant I worked out six times a week... it was just part of my daily routine and the day off always made me feel... off... but almost always came on Sunday and was too busy with trips to the farmers market etc and to visit family. I did TAM dance cardio a few times a week and the workouts everyday of the 6 days. I also did yoga on top of that (I look at yoga as a practice not a work out- altho it sure is 1 hell of a work out - so I don't count it ).

This was my body prior to pregnancy :








Here are some pregger photos...



This was at 10 days pp:



So I'll take a new pic on day one of working out which should be next Monday.  

I made the unwise and unfortunate decision to try on my jeans the other day and sadly did not fit in any of them. I was able to button one of them but it looked unflattering. So I'm Def not anywhere close to my usual 25/26. I've only worn leggings and the like so no idea on  current size.. I have no idea of my current weight or inches as i don't own a scale nor plan on owning one.. I use the good old fashioned mirror to tell me if I'm healthy or not. Right now the mirror says hello new mom body. I'm totally happy with my current body and love what it gave me more than any thing in the world, especially my old body... however.. I miss feeling in shape and in control of my body so I'm looking forward to that.

It's going to be tricky getting in shape while breastfeeding. I'm already a vegan and try to eat 70 percent raw and avoid gluten so my calories aren't that high (seeing I consume mostly vegetables and fruits). I've been eating about 50 percent raw now and incorporating a lot of grains beans etc to make sure I'm eating more calories. My milk supply has been plentiful and I thank G-d daily for blessing me with an easy time breastfeeding.

But now that I'm interested in incorporating my old exercise routines I am a little worried about burning too many calories... so I will be eating the same 50 50 but will add a high calorie protein  smoothie after all my work outs and add to my meals higher calorie options..  for example I'll be using coconut and cashew milk as the base of my smoothies instead of my usual soy, coconut water or water. I'm looking forward to how rich they will be yummmmm.

I plan to breastfeed for quite some time so I'll get the hang of all of this eventually and will post my findings.

As far as the workouts go I'll probably start with doing the post pregnancy TAM workouts and start practicing my yoga daily. Looking forward to incorporating Ryber into my fitness ;) I'll update with that too.

I'm obsessed with my son and being a mom... it's the funnest coolest thing EVER haha. I find myself staring at him and saying to myself "this is the best moment of my life" constantly. Ahhh it truly is so fucking magical.. If u r a mom u get it.. and if not I hope u will, it's a priceless feeling.

We've instincually become a breastfeeding bed sharing baby wearing EC family and I wouldn't have it any other way. More on that later.

Till next time...

Peace

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

my postpartum vacation ... a nomadic self awareness journey

My loyal readers,

I am bidding a long awaited farewell to Facebook and television.

i will be going on a mental nomadic journey over the next few months. you can say it's a part time journey... as nomadic adventures will occur between nappy changes, dinners with my husband and runs to the farmers market and whole foods. i imagine my dinners will be a lot more interesting now as i will either be overly enthusiastic about my discoveries or unexpectedly quiet with peace and self awareness. guess my husband is in for a treat.

im looking forward to taking advantage of these next few months to go back to the things that make me who i am. an artist. a photographer. a writer. a songwriter. an advocate. a student. a lover of life.  a passionate woman. a curious soul.

before i met my husband i was 24/7 indulging in such a journey of self discovery and of life. i was 19, a senior in college (although ironically I did not actually graduate until years later) spending my days in the dark room and my nights making too much money casting for tv/film (aka being paid to party w the whos who). i was also admittedly in a state of depression.. but the sadness inspired me, as it often does to passionate souls. it was actually a very fond time when i reflect now.. a time that really prepared me for the serious years to come. what followed was a new journey of a different sort of passion i was unfamiliar with: unconditional love. i met my soul mate (who then turned my days n nights into video game and love making marathons) , adopted a new member of our family ( who is cuter than your dog i promise) and birthed my biggest accomplishment in life: my son, Ryber. since then ive been preoccupied with my adventure of unconditional love (minus a 5 month hiatus i took three years ago).

the main reason my husband and i wanted to have a child (especially now in our mid twenties) was because we felt we had an overwhelming amount of love between us to share. we wanted to have a child to share that unconditional love. and now that we have accomplished this dream, i feel this adventure is complete (although one could argue it has just begun).

i plan on updating this blog with my findings, assuming i am inspired to do so. and possibly
my instagram @shirdhorn
i will most likely still visit pinterest, so you can find me on there as well.
if you are interested in doing a photo shoot with me, email me at cashlovepeace@gmail.com
photoshoots are free and i will give images when appropriate. please note i am not doing shoots as a service, meaning im not offering to take your headshots or newborn photos. however, if i do find your family or whatever subject you chose interesting and inspiring, you can use the images however you wish ( headshots, christmas cards etc) but they are for artistic purposes mainly. if you have a commercial interest you can email me there as well.
if you are interested in sending me a message, go ahead an leave a comment on here. i do not publish my comments. i read them, but keep them private. if you wish for a response please leave a way to contact you. im not trying to make my blog into some big thing with a community of blah blah blah. honestly, i find comments discouraging to other readers, both positive and negative feedback. its as if you just finished a film and instead of processing you heard every other audience member's take. no thanks.

so there it is.

for now...

xx